Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Use Your Words (warning: gross talk)

Just try to come over to my house and use an actual anatomically correct word without causing a riot of giggles.  We had a little house guest this weekend who used the word "fart" a lot.  She also did that word a lot, she said she had eaten a few too many Fiber One bars and she was still trying to pass the fiber.  I smell feel her pain.

We don't say usually say fart in my house, we say Foof or Fluff, which can also be spelled with with a ph.  Sounds nice, doesn't it.  It got me thinking about the alternate words our family uses for various body parts or actions.  I'll list them for your reading enjoyment:
Girls have a Pippalulla (pip for short) and a Poola
We don't use the "v" word unless we are talking about a man with an overbearing wife or girlfriend, you see he has unfortunately become "vaginated".
Boys also have a Poola and they have a hot dog (as in "do you have a license to sell hot dogs?) or the generic "wiener" works.  Generally, we just don't talk about this body part.
On a side note, my brother used to call his hot dog a pretzel.
Older girls and mommy's have "bobbies", we called them "mama's mia's" as children.  The word "boob" gets thrown around a bit as well. 
Going number two is often referred to as "dropping a deuce".  Thank you, Drew.
We pee, but we also piddle or go number one.

If you have an excess of anything then we will "osaurus rex" it.  ie., if you smell bad, then you are a "stinkosaurus rex".  We can really osaurus rex most anything.
If we drive up behind a Saturn (the car), someone will definitely say "move Uranus, Saturn".
We even have alternate names for each other...
Samantha:  Tammy Teetower, Xena Warrior Princess, Samama Jamma.
Darcy:  Boots, Furple
Drew:  Big D, Droopy D
Olivia:  Odideeda, Dids, OC, Vivian
Jack:  King, Jackimo, Shaggy
Grace:  Bug, Booger, AG, Gigi
Brynn:  The oldest and the only one with no nickname.

Even the dog...Elke aka "Old Smeller" or "wolf".
And the cat...Pepper aka "Paprikosh", "superpep", or "pooper".

I'm sure I can come up with some more, I'll work on it.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

More Goods and Bads

The Goods:

1.  Samantha has found an apartment she and Eric can afford and is moving out next week;
2.  A big, fall storm has moved in and we are cozy and hunkered down for the day;
3.  This morning Grace and I made 3 loaves of whole wheat bread have already eaten half of the first one..carb overload...ow;
4.  Mike and I removed the crystally chandelier from Jack's room (formerly Liv's room) and replaced it with a much more manly fan/light, and we weren't electrocuted;
5.  I had my hair bleached and I'm feeling light and sunny.

The Bads:

1.  Drew's injury to his front tooth last year took an ugly turn and we have root canal on our schedule tomorrow;
2.  I ate half a loaf of wheat bread today;
3.  Gracie and her bestie Madison had a sleepover last night, not a lot of sleep ensued;
4.  that pesky check engine light is back on on the Audi...$$$;
5.  I still haven't gotten the kids costumes ready and Halloween is a week away.  Grace is going to be a zombie which shouldn't be to difficult, but Jack can't decide, which means I have decided he will also be a zombie.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Only The Leader of the Free World

We knew something was up on Wednesday night, there were no parking signs up and down the street in front of Jack's school, which is a major arterial here is NE Seattle.  Then we heard that President Obama was going to come to our neighborhood to meet at an "average" home for a backyard discussion.  After taking Jack to school, Grace and I followed the signs and found the street pretty easily, as it was crawling with secret service and Seattle cops.  After I dropped Grace off at school an hour later I got ready to head out to work but decided to do a little drive by just in case... 

Holy cow, this was dramatic and spectacular.  I've never seen a presidential cavalcade (is that the right word) before and it is impressive.  This picture doesn't even come close to doing it justice.  All the bike cops had their lights flashing and the line of official cars seemed to go on for miles.  Obama was in the second Cadillac, a crazy tank-like looking vehicle, I could see his profile as he passed.  I was so excited I couldn't work my camera when the car was in front of me, I just waved and looked awestruck.  I ran around the corner after it turned and saw this...
That's his car just backed right into the driveway of the "average" house, which by the way, was really pretty average.  That's a kind of cute secret service agent walking by.  If I had got the call with the invitation to host the President in my house I would have totally and absolutely said "no thanks".  Can you imagine the pressure of having the President in your house?  Nope...no, thank you.  I'd have to really clean, as opposed to what I usually do, vacuum, dust, and spray a lot of air freshener around to mask the Labrador smell which tends to permeate all fabrics and rugs in the house...done.  Oh lord, and the bathroom.  Ack, but I guess somebody's got to do it.

I never got an actual glimpse of our actual leader in the flesh, but it was exciting none the less.  Jack's whole middle school was allowed to stand out front while the motorcade (aha, that's the word) passed by and Jack swears Obama responded to his peace sign in kind.  I choose to believe that really happened.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Jack o' Lanterns

The only thing I like less than carving pumpkins is dying Easter eggs.  Although, this year was less awful than most.  The pumpkins seemed to have less guts than usual, and more seeds? 
Obviously, Jack and Grace are a little too young to handle the butcher knife part of the event, so I end with the job.  Mike was texting Gawd knows who and watching baseball all evening, so...of no help whatsoever.


   
     We ended up with these beauties

Another view...


And with dog... 


Sunday, October 17, 2010

I forgot my camera...again.

Yesterday we went to the pumpkin farm.  I determined that this was my 22nd annual visit to a pumpkin farm as a mom.  I don't think we ever went as children but I also don't think that pumpkin farming was a thing in So. Cal.  We got our pumpkins at the grocery store, same place we got our Christmas Trees.  My kids would pass out at the mere suggestion.  I do love our traditions, I'm not complaining, it's just a lot of pumpkin farming.  We went to a huge farm in Clearview called "Bob's Corn".  The pumpkins were not stellar, not enough sunshine this year, they were all a little green and some had already passed over to the other side.  Our rule is that the little ones (Jack and Grace) can not get a pumpkin any bigger than they can carry around.  Jack really pushed that rule this year, I thought the poor guy was going to pop a hemi, lots of straining and groaning.  He finally ended up rolling his pumpkin down the hill on the way to the parking lot, I overlooked the fact that he was cheating because caring would take effort and some sort of action on my part.  I forgot my camera, bummer because Jack looked hysterical.  We actually did get lost in a corn maze.  And we paid $20 to do so.  We ended up getting out of there less $50. and up two large squash.  Tradition, ahhh.  The slaughter commences tonight and I will try to get some pics.



Speaking of squash, tonight I'm making baby back ribs and butternut squash risotto.  A perfect fall dinner.  On Monday I'm going to start of little pre-Halloween diet and then I'll start my pre-Thanksgiving diet the day after Halloween.  Another tradition.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

More Sick, More Weird, and Oprah.

I'm home with this.
It's that time of year.  Blech.  They fall like domino's and I think that Jack is the last one.  I had it, Drew brought it, Liv came with it, Sam has it now, Grace just got over it, and Mike always claims to have whatever I have, whenever I have it.

It's always the same menu, Top Ramen and Sprite.  Top Ramen is banned in my house except in the case of extreme poverty and illness and the kids take full advantage of each and every sniffle to score a bowl.  I'm embarrassed to buy it and find it necessary to inform my checker of the facts behind my purchase.  There's something about spending 25 cents to fill my child with fried noodles swimming in heavily salted, artificially flavored liquid that makes me feel sheepish.  I don't care about the big bottle of wine, super-plus tampons, Monistat, or moist flushable wipes. I'd seriously rather be seen buying condoms (sorry).  I'm weird like that.  I bought the six pack so I don't have to go back for more. 

On another note...Sister Wives is on Oprah today!  I have to say I'm not fond of new wife Robin, she's a cryer.  She annoys me.  Kody is exhibiting a bit of creeper vibe lately too.  Good stuff.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Another Happy Birthday...

Having five children means lots of birthdays.  I have a little bit of an April cluster, I have no idea why but three of my five were born in April.  There is another mini-cluster in the Fall, Grace is September and Samantha is Today!  Happy 23rd birthday Tammy Teetower! 

I think that no matter how many children one gives birth too, the event is indelibly and forever burned into your memory.  I can conjure up that moment in a flash.  Sam's birth was my first and was the most difficult, they used forceps back then and she was facing the wrong direction.  After a long, exhausting, 26 hour labor she was pulled and twisted out of my body with the use of a medieval torture device.  She was also my most difficult newborn, colic was our life for 10 weeks, non-stop crying for 4 hours every night.  It would start as soon as her dad got home from work, she would turn bright red and scream, and then it would stop as quickly as it started, exactly 4 hours later.  She didn't take to gaining a sibling too well, she really liked being an only child and welcomed newborn Drew into our house by promptly peeing on the floor even though she was fully potty trained.  Potty training restarted and it took months to get back to trained.  She really taught us.

Sam has had her fair share of issues, 2009 was a horrific year for her and us, but we got her back and she's is working hard to rebuild her life, credit, and relationships.  She confounds me at times, but she is a great girl.  Sweet, fun, and she cares about those she loves.  Little kids love Sam most of all, that speaks volumes to her sweet spirit and sense of humor.  I'm proud of you Sam, I love you!!

Sam and I picked up Liv at the airport on Thursday night for her whirlwind weekend visit.  It was bittersweet, it was fast, it was fun, it was over too quickly.  She requested her favorite meal, chicken pot pie, for dinner on Friday night, but was to busy to fit in any other dinners.  She had lots of friends to see, she had the Husky game on Saturday, lunch with her dad on Sunday, a little bit of homework sprinkled here and there.  But, we did get in some time shopping and lunch on Saturday and baking cookies to take back with her.  I was worried that the separation would drudge up the whole separation sadness, and it did, not like the first time but I'm really feeling her absence again.  Six weeks until Thanksgiving.  :-).

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Goods...

Life is good because:

1.  Everybody is healthy;
2.  My migraine finally went away;
3.  Mike is finally home after 10 days on the road (mostly playing);
4.  I am refreshed from my girls weekend in Portland;
5.  It's not currently raining;
6.  I got a little teenie raise, but every penny counts;
7.  Liv will be home in 2 days;

Not so good:

1.  It's migraine season;
2.  Liv lost a filling and she's like 2000 miles away and she won't be here long enough to see the dentist.

More goods than bads = smiley face.